My Heart's Desire

Today, while filling out many various scholarship applications I was asked to write my personal statement in 250 words or less. Well I already have a personal statement that I have written for other applications but it is 500 words. I was worried about condensing it because I didnt know how I was going to get my full impression out in just 250 words, however I think that the condensed version may represent my heart even better because it is even more straight to the point, so here it is...

We are each in existence for a particular purpose. Some stumble around their entire lives and never figure it out, where as some find that purpose when they are 14. I am one of those blessed people. When I was 14 years old I had the opportunity to spend two weeks in the country of Haiti where I helped to build the foundation for the first high school available to the general public, or in laymen terms available to the poor, as well as a clinic. For two weeks every day after we had walked the villages performing vacation bible schools for the children we proceeded to grab our work clothes and pick-axes and head to the site. With the materials list including boulders, dirt and water we worked to create a concrete-like foundation made of the rock we personally crushed mixed with surrounding dirt and water. This experience gave me and my heart our purpose. For almost 10 years now I have been working to achieve my architecture license in order to begin my campaign. “True Sustainable Architecture” this campaign will be for going into inner cities, slums, and third world countries and providing the necessities of a facility for clinics, schools, and churches to sustain livelihood for human beings, hence true sustainability. This is my heart and my life’s goal, and to achieve it I need financial help finishing my education.

Creme of my heart

So why do we as humans decide to read into things and get on the defensive about everything? Because it sucks on both ends of that conversation.. the one who said something that was misunderstood and then you back track trying to convince the other person of what you really meant ... then if you misunderstand something as they are trying to redeem themselves you have a hard time believing what they are saying. JUST NOT FUN.
Regardless of one little thing today I have had a very successful past two weeks personally. I have been in total control of my thoughts and my emotions. WOW that is a great feeling, and may not sound like much but feels like an enormous accomplishment for me. I am still pushing to stay in constant prayer and continue pushing until I don't have any doubt in my heart at all. It is so hard to admit that you have doubt in your heart not just in your mind but I believe that out of the fullness of your heart will it run over.. So even though it is not the base of my heart and is not what my heart is full of .. it is still present and at the top... My desire and my goal is that what runs over on my heart will be the creme of the crop and the best of me will be what overflows and not what remains at the base.


... Post Script ...
It is really hard sometimes to be mature and not lash out at someone who jumps your case for no reason..

NEW!!

I have now learned what it means to lose yourself and overnight make the decision to find yourself... AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS. I read a quote on a friend's facebook page the other day that I have not been able to stop thinking about ... " Happiness Is Not The Absence Of Problems.. But The Ability To Deal With Them " This is what I am doing now I am living in my transition, I am living through my problems, and I am actually living my life! I don't want to sit on the sidelines of my own life and watch it go by.
I have never been one to do that and I am not sure why I suddenly benched myself, but I am back at the forfront of my life and LOVING IT. The past two days I have taken control of my life and said I will make my days good days and I will determine my mood and I will determine my thoughts and my emotional state. I have been successful. I know there are going to be satan bumps in the road but I plan to just roll right over them as a speed bump in the parking lot.
I want to have a verse to stand on right now but when I read I am just reading words its not the Word to me right now.. but it will come I know it will. That's my goal today... Find my verse!

Not Looking Back

Life changes in two speeds for me, one being so slow that I feel I am almost moving backwards and two being so fast that I am trying not to blink so that I wont miss it. Right now my life is moving in high gear and I am finally working on my career with a new company and trying to learn at this immense learning curve. Then come the curve balls, friends moving into new life transitions of their own and doing my best to be happy and excited for them as they leave West Texas and into their own careers and lives.

I am not going to start looking back and living in memories because I do not want to miss my new memories that are being made as I am living every moment. Sometimes it is so hard to keep focused on your present that the past and the future collide and put you into a tailspin toward a mind boggling worry. So my goal right now is to keep focusing on where God has placed ME and that I am walking in his grace and in his provisions and that everything else will fall into place.

It is hard to say goodbye though... and I dont fully understand why we have to do that at certain points in our lives except to be reminded that this is NOT OUR FINAL HOME! This is just our blink before we reach our paradise with no goodbyes. There are some days I do want to blink and just GO HOME, but I know that I will be home in His time and until that point I just want to be faithful and do my job here. Lord take care of Gracie until we see her again, and please be with my dear friend as her life begins in a new direction.

Changes .... Patience

So the past two weeks have been really slow ... Not a whole lot to report except that the horse pens are FINISHED and we are finally bringing up our horses this weekend!! It has been rough waiting and seeing what will happen with the doors that God is opening and closing. I am sincerely finding the true meaning of patience in my life right now and I know it is a valuable lesson just not one I am extremely fond of ...

In all seriousness I think I have realized that life in general is a transition and now that I am learning how to move with the transitions instead of looking for the end result I am finding LIFE.

LIBERATION

Monday I turned a new leaf in my life. I finally stopped being stubborn and listened to God and have quit my safe little job. This job was costing me more than I was making in a pay check. When what you are doing in your life is affecting you when you leave its time to start trimming the fat out of your life ... I LOST ABOUT 100 pounds on Monday when I walked out!

So what am I doing now you may be asking .... well Monday was the final day of that job and the first day of my CAREER!! I immediately dove straight into my current client, Wayland Baptist University in working on their evacuation maps. So the official establishment of AJK DESIGNS was made the 25th of January 2010!!

It was one of the most liberating days of my life, and my husband was extremely supportive and so was the rest of my family and friends. I can not wait to see where God is going to take this path that he has opened up to me... as my good friend Paula says ... the sky is the limit.

No answers...

Well... it has been a rough weekend. I have learned a lot this weekend in the way that the old saying "rolling with the punches" has so many meanings. One small thing that blows up into a HUGE disaster and there is nothing to do except roll with the punches and be completely out of control in order to let God take control.

Even when it is not the first experience of life taking a hard turn ... it never gets easier. One thing continued to run through my head .... God does not promise our life here on earth will be easy but He promises to never leave us. I have heard that so much in my life that sometimes it just seems cliche but this weekend it rang truer than ever before.

The hardest part is I have been asked questions I HAVE NO ANSWERS to .. but I have FAITH! Faith that if I keep pushing forward with HIS strength that I will find his promises for me and my family. I refuse to give in or give out. I will continue to do my absolute best in everything for Him and for the ones that I love. It will NOT BE EASY by any means but I know my place and it is simply in his kingdom and from there I dont need answers because God has my back!!

A New Inspiration ...

Today ... I have been reminded by my friend Vivien and her blog spot that God takes everyday and pushes us to find Him in it. When faced with LIFE it is easy to become frustrated and forget where you are rather than focusing on where you are not. So today I am beginning my blog in an effort to have an outlet to put down my frustrations into words so that I can work through my biggest battle ... MY MIND.

I do not struggle with the outward human temptations my battle comes from the inside in the war between my head and my heart. I am catagorized as an extrovert type A person which is true in every instance except when it comes to ME. My feelings my personal challenges have always been my problem and there for me to resolve. This has been my biggest struggle in my Christian walk as well in finding the way to let God take care of me. I will fight in prayer for everyone but myself and this is one thing I am determined to change.

I have my dreams and my aspirations and if I do not begin to let God take care of me I will continue to simply remain constant without moving forward to the places God has for me. This my friends I refuse to allow to happen. So if I have any one who decides to read the rambling of my head and my heart and you notice I disappear call me out on it okay? Alright good glad we settled that!

I leave today with Matthew 6:34 in my version ....

STOP GETTING CAUGHT UP IN TOMORROW

GOD HAS THAT UNDER CONTROL ...

DO NOT MISS TODAY!!